I'll get straight to the point:
Tory chairman Grant Shapps has been pretending to be 'Michael Green'. Well my name really is Michael Green. And I'm pretty pissed off.
So I've decided to embarrass him by standing against him in his own constituency. That's right: his secret pseudonym will be joining him on the ballot paper.
But to take on Shapps my campaign needs to raise an election deposit of £500 – that's over 700 dollars in internet marketing money.
The deadline for us to register is 4pm today. We will use donations after this to cover other campaign costs e.g. posters. Can you chip in?
"BUT WHAT DO I GET OUT OF THIS, MICHAEL?"All supporters will get campaign updates and exclusive first access to our funny campaign video. Those giving £10 or more will be sent an official 'VOTE FOR MICHAEL GREEN' campaign rosette, while those giving £30 or more get a rosette AND a T-shirt (designs to be finalised).
But that's not all!
Every single pound you give will be matched by a MYSTERY DONOR!
"SO I'M EFFECTIVELY DOUBLING MY MONEY?"Yes. It's a bit like having a magic money tree.
Donate now to double your money.
"ARE YOU REALLY CALLED MICHAEL GREEN?"
Yes. Michael Green is my legal name and will appear on ballot papers.
"ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO STAND?"
This is not a joke. Okay. It is a joke, but I am still taking on Shapps in his own back yard,Welwyn Hatfield constituency in Hertfordshire.Click here to donate.